“You deserve a clean plate”
This is the best advice that should probably have been given to me many years ago. Or better still, “you deserve the best”. I needed to hear those four letter words. But you, you might have been told before or read it somewhere or reading it now.
It took some of us years, bitter experiences and/or past relationships to learn how to tell ourselves that.
I wouldn’t say I had no self esteem because that would do no justice to the situation, I’d call it ‘self- devaluation’, ‘self degradation’ you name it. I could even call it ‘self- hate’ and be right!
I thought anything done on or for me was a waste. I waited for stuffs to go round before I picked and sure I always got the least. I never ate the last meat in the stew. I use used plate to eat cos I didn’t want to waste clean plate (that was part of laziness tho). Displeasing myself to please people was not a big deal for me; I know what selfless is but this was different, this was stupid.
By no means would I call it humility either, even humility when done excessively becomes just plain annoying.
I smiled writing this cos as I did, I flashed back on so many ‘funny’ deeds of mine. People who are close to me complain and wonder. They got tired of advising me cos it fell on deaf ears. The character was (still is, just modified) innate. It was my default setting. If you venture tell me you’re broke I could give you my last card without thinking! Funmi called me nonchalant and Stella thought I had faith. Now know I was just..i don’t even know
Okay, this is not a regret speech.
It’s like a story you tell about some childish acts you did at childhood. Every one has at least one of that. Yea.
I…I grew up. I didn’t change, haven’t changed. I’ve only come to realise the difference between self love and selflessness, where they intersect, and where they exist independently.
They’re interdependent too, as one’s existence is critical on the other. Knowledge on balancing both is happiness and peace and fulfillment (for some). Some are fulfilled when they have sufficient self love; to others, fulfillment to them is in giving themselves. I fall under the latter category which is why I have foreknowledge of it. Already.
Truth be told, selflessness is way easier than self love. It took me time to know this.
Yes, I know, when you’re a selfless person you suffer more, you know..
But real love for oneself goes beyond the ‘self crush’ cliché on social media. It’s more.
It’s embracing oneself..
It’s seeing a devil and loving him, and persistent he’ll change.
It appreciating oneself..
It’s knowing your flaws and thanking God for them!
It’s all this and more…
For the sake of some of us, who’re allergic to lengthy write-ups, I decided to divide this post into two and I’ll be posting the second part tomorrow.
For now, what do you think about self love and being selfless?
What’s the thin line between them?
(To be continued)