Warning: lengthy post, but read till the end. It will be worth it.
I love ‘love’ (romantic relationships), it’s the best thing since sliced bread and avocados. Everyone who knows me well can attest to this.
When I’m in love with someone, every one close to me knows cos I want to do everything and anything with this person, I want to cook and try new recipes with them, I want to watch movies with them while they braid or loose my hair, I want to drive aimlessly and sing along a loud blast of old school blues with them, I want to take evening walks with them while we hold hands and eat popcorn, I want to dance with them, take silly selfies with them, I just want to be with them… this person.
Marriage as against flings or celibacy or datingship, is the most absolute form of romantic relationships. It’s traditional but immortal. It spells commitment and sacrifice of the highest kind. Times and stories have shown that like all things, relationships are not always convenient, they consume space take a chunk out of our comfort and freedom so much so that commitment is sometimes the only thing that may keep it alive. If you don’t know yet, most divorcees didn’t separate because they don’t love each other. They simply lacked commitment, the most important essence of marriage.
Marriage is beautiful. It comes with blessings, it aids fulfillment, it portrays an enabling environment to nurture the universe’s most important form of art, procreation, and the list goes on . Do not be tempted to think my opinions of marriage invalid because I lack the experience for some of us learn from stories, observations and imaginations hence are way ahead of our own age or experience. Marriage I believe is what you make of it, beginning with your sentiments or prejudices on the topic even before you enter into it. So don’t be shocked if you think marriage is hellish and it eventually becomes hellish when you enter into it, it’s simply echoing your thoughts but that’s some topic for another day.
People sometimes let themselves get carried away by the tide of the crowd. The new wave in town in ‘anti marriage’. It’s like someone out there, with a massive influence shared his/her opinion and everyone decided if they don’t buy into the trendy school of thought then they’ll be lagging behind. Who taught you marriage is bondage? If for whatever reason someone decides to give up on their dreams apportioning the blames on marriage, then that just shows how irresponsible they are in the first place. Marriage is exclusive. I don’t know much about it but I know for sure it’s not for the selfish. If I claim I love someone, I want to do everything and with them by my side, marriage becomes an understatement of what I want with them.
I respect the opinions of those who think otherwise. I mean, different strokes for different folks right. Some people don’t know their strokes though. They let society and social media do their thinking and decision-making for them.
You smile whenever you imagine a future of family, warmth, food, home, kids etc The thought of it alone makes your heart leaps (or your ovaries, as the case may be), awesome! Don’t let someone else, who for all you know despises marriage maybe due to fear, conceit, ignorance or even trauma. Hold on firmly to your belief. Don’t let yourself be swayed by every dick and Harry shenanigan. Make Your rules and let them be you. Regardless of who or what the crowd is following.
And if you’re on the other side of this table, you feel the idea of marriage is just ridiculous, not your thing; you’d rather have a mating partner, a baby mama or papa, or you probably just want to be left the fvck alone, great! That’s good too! Only don’t try to shove your opinions down people’s throats by making them feel bad for theirs simply because it’s not the same as yours.
Some of these people you feel like sharing your conventional ideas with are very impressionable, and therefore easily misguided.
State your opinions and let it be known as your opinion. Let others’ be respected. It’s not cool talking down on another person’s opinion. You often see them spew stuffs like “the average Nigerian lady sees marriage as an achievement” so what if it’s someones achievement? Where’s the yardstick for measuring what should or shouldn’t be an achievement? You’ll probably have to show me the yardstick for measuring happiness as well.
Guys, in as much as there’s alot we ought to unlearn and learn, and there’s a plethora of whack norms to be fixed in our society, let’s be careful not to deny ourselves freedom to accept our inherent nature. Let’s live and let live, it’s what makes the beautiful after all, our differences.
Recently I was talking to someone who boldly stated his dislike for kids, infants because of their fuss. I respected that. I didn’t go making him feel like there was something wrong about that. That’s him. That I love kids doesn’t make me any cuter or him any meaner. They’re stuffs I hate that he probably loves. Like I’m not a smiler, maybe he is or does love people who smile, okay I agree a smiling face is cute but a snobbish face is cute too. Neither is lesser than the other.
So you don’t love marriage, that’s woke. I love marriage, that makes sense too.
I can’t submit to the person I love, that’s hot! Talk of sass! I want to submit to the one I love, even worship the ground he walks on, that’s cool too.
One thing I never want to visualize as part of my future, is for my beautiful kids
to never know or experience what true companionship is like, exemplified first by their parents. My kids deserve the right to have a dad and mom who love each other and them so much and are responsible enough to decide to be physically present to support them.
What are your thoughts on marriage?
We’ll love to hear yours..
©Grace Okoliko 2019